It all begins with a question, and then a quest and then another question and when I think I have come to the end of the journey, to an answer, I am often left with more questions. I am interested in the eternal self and that of other humans, in spirit of self.
Throughout the last year or so, I have been focusing a great deal of time trying to understand my own past, and answer questions that I have had within myself for so long. I returned home, to a space and a place in which I felt I had already departed from, that was meant to be left in my memories for my past self to see and deal with. The space I speak of is my home town located in Northern New Mexico, called Espanola. I am interested in the past, present and future as many humans are as well, but in regard to self and how I exist within these fragments of time and my role within them.
I have been able to channel a lot of this self-exploration through the creation of books, that of which I have put together over the last three semesters. In the final version of what I imagine to be a finished product, I have compiled three chapters all of which I exist within and without. Part I has to do with myself entirely, the feeling and ideas that were left without provision or use per say, but this is where I found a great deal of healing for myself, my past self. In Part II, I talk about the people that surrounded me, the town I came from, and the culture I lived within. I wanted to represent them carefully and with as much tender consideration, and regard, for their role within the past, present and future of myself and the space we occupy together. Part III, is to do with what bonds us beyond the superficial layer, and the simple occupation of space, this is where the ugly and the pain and the things we don’t talk about are brought about.
I am yet to be satisfied fully with this work, but it is gnawing at me a year later, and I don’t think I will have any fully answered questions but, what I will have is a physical form of what I experienced here and that makes me happy. Healing is what makes this work worth it for me, representation for my culture and my people makes it worth it for me. Revisiting these spaces and being present in a time I can move to and fro from, makes this work worth it for me.